


412. muzzle

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [4]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen, Unhealthy Relationships, What do you call codependency if it's only one person? Dependency?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 21:57:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7378897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Can I kill her now?” Helena asks, voice dizzy with joy and eagerness.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Sarah says.</p>
<p>Then she looks away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	412. muzzle

**Author's Note:**

> [warnings: death, gore, s1 helena-style love]

“Can I kill her now?” Helena asks, voice dizzy with joy and eagerness.

“Yeah,” Sarah says.

Then she looks away.

There’s a horrible wet ripping sound, and a gargled scream, and then the room is silent. Sarah swallows through her own intact throat. She feels guilty. She still feels guilty, after all this time. Her hands find the pockets of her jacket, tuck inside. The letter from Kira she keeps in her pocket crinkles, and – there, again, the guilt.

Helena’s nose nestles in the space between Sarah’s collarbone and shoulder. Sarah doesn’t know how she made it across the room without Sarah hearing her, but she’s here, and her eyelashes brush against Sarah’s skin when she blinks. She breathes in. Sarah holds very very still, and lets Helena smell her. “Did I do good,” Helena whispers.

“You did great,” Sarah says faintly. “I’m proud of you.” She reaches up a clumsy hand and cups Helena’s skull. Helena makes a desperate needy sound, buries her face deeper into Sarah’s neck. Her breath is hot against Sarah’s jugular. Sarah opens her eyes. She looks at the body across the room. She has to be accountable for this, doesn’t she? For her sins.

Helena’s arm is curling around her waist, following Sarah’s hand into the pocket of her jacket. She twines her fingers with Sarah’s. Squeezes their hands.

“I love you,” she says seriously.

Sarah doesn’t say anything.

* * *

Helena lies awake in the hotel room, and watches Sarah sleep. She killed someone today, and it felt good, and Sarah wanted her to. Sarah wanted Helena to kill someone for her and Helena _did_ , and Sarah petted her head and told her she was proud. Helena has never been this happy. Helena had no idea what happiness was before Sarah let her out of the cage she was living in and put her gun into Helena’s hands.

Sarah always makes them sleep in separate beds, which Helena knows is good and right – Sarah is beautiful, Sarah walks like she owns the world, and Helena is just her dog. Helena is Sarah’s gun, her red left hand, anything Sarah wants her to be. She offered to sleep on the floor, but Sarah wouldn’t let her; she takes the other bed, even though she doesn’t deserve it. There are so many things that Helena does not deserve, and Sarah gives them to her anyways. Food. Touch. Targets.

She has so much. More than she ever thought she could have. She shouldn’t want anything more than that – that’s _sin._

But she’s crawling out of the bed. (And what a comfortable bed! It’s in what Sarah calls a _motel_ or a _piece of shit flea-infested hellhole_ , and it’s more comfortable than anything Helena has ever slept on. There’s a blanket.

A _blanket_. Just for her.) And she’s crawling into Sarah’s bed. Shh, shh, quiet now. Sarah is still asleep, because Helena moves _very_ quietly and Sarah has never had to wake up in the middle of the night with a knife in her hand. She will never have to, ever, ever, because Helena is here. Crouching over Sarah’s body, watching her sleep.

She reaches out, and puts her fingers lightly on Sarah’s throat. She wants to kill her so much! So much. She wants to rip out Sarah’s throat with her teeth, or maybe lick her neck. She wants to cut Sarah open and climb inside of her and sleep. She’d have such sweet dreams. The sweetest dreams anyone could ever have.

Instead she lies down next to Sarah, trails her knuckles up Sarah’s face and rubs her thumb over Sarah’s lip. Her lip was split there, a while ago. That was Helena’s fault.

Sarah stirs and Helena jerks her hand back, folds her hands together in front of her like praying. Holds her breath. Sarah burbles something, brow furrowed (Helena loves her!) and sleepily nestles closer to Helena. She throws her arm over Helena’s shoulders. Helena is delirious. Helena could die, right here. If Sarah had a knife in her other hand and plunged it into Helena’s heart it would be the best thing that had ever happened to her.

Sarah keeps breathing slowly, in and out and in. Helena holds her breath. She waits, eagerly, for the knife.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed! :)


End file.
